I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
