I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
