He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
