Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She said her name was "party"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
