'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
