is your mom at the bar?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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