put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
