i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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