If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
