They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
