Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
