Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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