UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
