I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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