At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
