Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
