I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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