I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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