If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
