MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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