that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
