i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
