I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
