What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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