i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
