Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im holly from the hills drunk
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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