he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize