Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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