Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
