Don't make out with my wife yet
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
