I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
