Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
