I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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