you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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