Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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