Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
