god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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