he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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