Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
