the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
