i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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