Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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