If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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