Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
