Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
