Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
