I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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