the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
