in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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