You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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