so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
