some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
