I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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