i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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