I think my vagina is haunted
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
