At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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