Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
