I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
