I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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