Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
