i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize