ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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