That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
