just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize