My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
